( Maryann bids farewell to the Pilot with one of her most outrageous rants ) Subject: get da bat. Can you hear me now! Ok – the other day I wrote about disconnecting and face-time. That we are all just way to wired for Jesus! Between our computers, blackberry’s, cells and more, I must have been drugged.
Today I got up with a full plate a head of me and I don’t mean Pasta!!
So I sign on, go thru mail and more and then, hummmmmmm. I’m stuck I tell ya! Froze.
So I do all the normal things, empty cache, reset Safari (yes I have a Mac) and Nada????
Then I look at the modem… Warning Will Robinson – Internet light RED!!!!!
OK – so I go and reset it…It goes thru its normal light show and then – INTERNET LIGHT RED!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT – MAN – F*#K !!!!!
So I call Verizon, after yelling at the automated woman. I mean really now. How many times can I say YES!!! Now I am waiting for a tech.
So this guy gets on, Hello my name is Sammy, how can I assist you toady? Hummmm, Sammy had the heaviest accent I ever heard?
He sounded like Andy Kaufman from Taxi!
So I repeat all the issues. Sammy says, ok go to the Apple icon, hit the letter Y. Did you say I?
No the letter Y like in Yak – no no I mean like in Yankee’s.
Oh- ok .
Now hit the letter H.
Did you say 8?
No H. like in Hummus, no no I mean like in Happy Holidays.
Ok now we wait, he says. Then he says, how is the weather where you are?
Not bad Sammy. Thanks it’s getting colder. Where you Sammy?
I am in New Deli. No no I mean New Jersey!!!!
I hate to be lied to!!!!
Can you imagine Osama Bin ladin calling for help with his Mac in the cave?
Thank you for calling Verizon, my name is Tommy how can I help you?
I know your name is not Tommy, your name is Depak.
What ever you say Sir! What is your name?
My name is Vinny I am having trouble with my connection.
Ok have you checked the sockets in your wall?
I am in a cave I have a special interface box!
Ok let me run a text in the meantime how is the weather by you?
I am in a friggin cave you infidel, how do you think it is!!!
So after Sammy made me change all these preferences and set up a new admin, I could even tell he was new, he kept referring to the manual, he says you need a tech at your house..
That was it!!!!
Listen Sammy, I have an appointment I can stay on here with you I will call back later….
Can you hear me now!!!!
After I hang up and my morning is now on the edge of rage, I get a call from Verizon.
The Internet service in your area is down and we are working on the issue. As soon as we come up you may have to re-start your modem…
What felt like days was hours later and I was up! However Sammy, deleted my wifi network!! Gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-
Ohhh fahhhh if I had a bat !!! So I had to call back to get reconnected and got Ceaser[sic]. Ceaser??? Ceaser could tell by my voice all was not well in the Empire. So all’s well that ends well. I am connected yet again.
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!!!
CLIFFVIEWPILOT.COM wishes Maryann Maisano and the gorgeous “ITALIAN CHICKS well in their future endeavors.
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